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Builder of Belonging: Philip Mallari Nurtures Lower Schoolers’ Minds and Hearts

Builder of Belonging: Philip Mallari Nurtures Lower Schoolers’ Minds and Hearts

From tagging along with his mother to the independent school where she taught when he was a child, to a master’s degree in early childhood teaching and learning, to his dynamic second-grade classroom at Sandy Spring Friends School (SSFS), Philip Mallari’s journey as an educator has been one of deep purpose and continual discovery. Rooted in the deep appreciation for the value of education that was instilled during his childhood, Philip’s gentle manner and inspired teaching philosophy foster both the academic and emotional development of his students. We recently sat down with Philip to learn more about his approach and how he incorporates his role in SSFS’ Office of Institutional Equity, Justice, and Belonging (OIEJB) to benefit all Lower School students and faculty. Read on for excerpts from our conversation.

Why did you become a teacher?

When I double majored in linguistics and Spanish at the University of Maryland, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I had odd jobs after college, including at an independent school—the Lowell School in DC—where I worked in the Admission Office and substitute taught. That’s when I realized that education was what I wanted to pursue.

In hindsight, the value and importance of education was instilled in me at a very young age by both my parents. My dad used his education as a means to support his family and further his interest in art and architecture. My mom was a dance teacher at an independent school, so I’ve always been in and around schools. Whenever Montgomery County schools were closed, I’d tag along with her to the school where she worked and hang out in the library. Through my upbringing, I learned to see education as a way to succeed, protect yourself, learn more about the world and others, pursue your own interests, and continue growing through adulthood.

"Through my upbringing, I learned to see education..."

Once I realized I wanted to be a teacher, I got my CDA [Child Development Associate] certification and worked as a PreK-2 teacher at Lowell. I had supportive colleagues, and it was there that I met my wife who's also a teacher. Then, I pursued a master’s in teaching and learning for experiential learning in early childhood at Clemson University. Responsive professors and a collaborative cohort made it really fulfilling.

I shifted roles at Lowell to be the Spanish teacher for Grades 3-5—that was for the remote learning COVID year, which was a huge learning curve but also created a lot of great memories. One time, we had to pivot a lesson during our masked, hybrid, outdoor classroom because students were so concerned with 17-year brood cicadas everywhere. We ended up learning cicada and insect anatomy in Spanish instead, even while barely hearing each other over the cicadas’ trilling. That’s life. We learn to adapt and problem-solve all of the unexpected surprises through childhood and into adulthood. 

What attracted you to SSFS?

I had heard good things about the School, having grown up in the area and with friends who are alums. When a position opened for 2nd Grade in 2021, I was very interested, because I wanted to challenge myself to do something different while staying within early childhood. The values of the school—particularly its commitment to DEIB [diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging]—were a big attraction.

Now that you’re a few years in, what do you value most about the School?

I appreciate that our students feel empowered to be themselves—that speaks to the safety of the community that invites them to do that. My most memorable moments with our students are when there’s a student who is stuck in some way—whether socially or academically. I can tell how hard it is for them…sometimes there are tears. Then, finally, it clicks and that light shines in their eyes and they feel so proud of themselves. It’s when students push through cognitive dissonance and discomfort, take risks, act courageously, and realize how capable they are. Those are the moments that drew me to the profession and still keep me in the profession.

"I appreciate that our students..."

I’ve always felt supported by my colleagues at SSFS. We share resources and ideas, we give each other time and energy, and there is always a listening ear to go to. Our faculty’s commitment to the kids really stands out to me. We never give up on a student, and we’re always asking questions like, “What else can we do? Who else can we bring in to help?”

During your time at the school, in what ways have you most impactfully experienced the Quaker SPICES [Quaker values of Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality, and Stewardship] in action? 

Philip and a multi-grade family group walking through the woods on Community Day

I find community and stewardship to be the most visually present in our programming—they indicate how we show ourselves to the world and come together as a group. OPOP Day [Our People Our Planet Day] is an excellent and unique way we instill these values in children. Having such a wide range of ages [SSFS is a PK-12 school] and touchpoints of community stand out to me. Meeting for Worship is something new that I experienced for the first time since working at SSFS. I didn’t fully understand the value of it at first, but now the frequent impact and power of student voice in that space is often the highlight of my week. 

"Meeting for Worship is something new..."

How do you help your students manage the strong emotions they inevitably experience?

I’ve learned many best practices and research-based approaches for moments of dysregulation through professional development. It’s about applying the science of self-regulation and emotions in an age-appropriate way to impact the body and reach the mind. Sometimes that involves low stimulation like turning off the lights, breathing exercises, or applying deep pressure like a side hug or weighted blanket. 

"I've learned many best practices..."

Oftentimes, kids just need to be heard, so I simply listen. In those moments, I don’t tell them what to do, but instead give them the time and space to work through it. We teach students that feelings don't define us—if you’re feeling angry, that doesn’t mean you’re an angry person. Social friction provides opportunities for learning, like when a student bumps into another kid accidentally—it can cause a runaway train of catastrophic thinking, including absolute statements like, “You are a mean/bad person.”

Instead, I try to help students reframe the incident to the present moment with statements like, “We’ll let this feeling pass before we find a solution.” Then, we try to generate a range of possible solutions. It’s part of the Restorative Justice Model.

Describe your role as Lower School OIEJB Coordinator and how it impacts your teaching.

My personal life and experiences inform my perspective and areas that might be gaps for others, but I’m very aware that I don’t know everything and I’m always learning. There’s this sense that we’re all working on this together.

"I'm very aware that I don't know everything..."

As Lower School OIEJB Coordinator, I help make cultural competency resources as accessible as possible to teachers and students. I can act as a sounding board for a project, direct people to articles or books, act as a thought partner in a conflict that may be based in identity, or contribute to professional development planning for the whole faculty. Professional development is key for working through our unconscious biases, being more aware, practicing actionable strategies and frameworks to apply in the classroom, and better serving students. 

I’ve done some helpful professional development through AIMS [Association of Independent Maryland & DC Schools] and right here on campus with our all-faculty sessions. One of my favorite professional development opportunities since being at SSFS, though, was going to PoCC [National Association of Independent Schools’ People of Color Conference] last year. It was a huge commitment, and it was also incredibly rewarding personally and professionally. A personal highlight of PoCC was the affinity spaces—that experience was empowering and rejuvenating. One of the professional highlights for me was a keynote by Dr. Chris Emden [Dr. Christopher Emdin, Professor of Science Education at Teachers College, Columbia University, activist, artist, and author] about students’ rights when it comes to their bodies and sense of belonging in schools. 

This is a topic I already focus on in my classroom. Each year, we co-construct our classroom agreement involving safe bodies and kind words. It’s a way of teaching kids they have rights, including to be safe, to know and be known, and to speak truth to power. We recently shared these ideas at a Lower School Assembly. 

You mentioned Restorative Justice earlier…can you explain that model and how you incorporate it into your Lower School classroom?

Sure, it’s a conflict resolution process that, for the Lower School age range, involves two or more students with the guidance of an adult. All parties face each other and talk through the issue. The key is that everyone gets the chance to express their feelings and perspective, while also being held accountable in listening to understand—even if they disagree.

Everyone is involved in the problem-solving process, bringing ideas to the table, and moving those potential solutions forward. Problem-solving can involve apologies, sharing what the student needs, making promises, or making necessary changes to the environment. Coaching students through the restorative justice model sets them up to be able to use this method to independently resolve conflict in the future. 

As a teacher, helping students navigate challenging situations with confidence and increasing independence is so rewarding.

"As a teacher, helping students navigate challenging situations..."


Philip’s Tips for Conflict Resolution
For families looking for guidance in incorporating aspects of restorative justice outside of school
Access the printable one-sheet for a readily accessible visual reminder at home!


Tips for Conflict Resolution Printable

General Tips for Adults

  • Use a calm, neutral tone throughout.
  • Avoid labeling a child as “wrong” or “bad.”
  • Wait until everyone is calm and ready to talk.
  • Focus on empathy and active listening.
  • Praise efforts to resolve the conflict collaboratively.
  • Model restorative language, such as “I feel ___ when ___” and “What can we do to fix this together?”
  • Give everyone grace, including yourself, recognizing it’s hard to do in the moment. 
  • Remember that practice makes progress.

Select Restorative Justice Scripts for Adults

  • “Let’s all take a deep breath and talk about what happened. I want to hear from each of you one at a time. Remember, we’re here to understand, not to blame.”
  • “What happened from your point of view?”
  • “How did it make you feel when that happened?”
  • “Now that we’ve heard both sides, can we think together about why this might have happened? Is there anything you think the other person might not understand about how you feel?”
  • “Everyone makes mistakes, and part of growing up is learning from them. Let’s talk about what we can do to make things better.”
  • “What do you think you could do to make it better?”
  • “What would you need from [name] to feel better or to move forward?”
  • “How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again?”
  • “Do you both agree that this is fair?”
  • “What can we learn from this situation to help us next time?”
  • “I’m proud of both of you for working through this together. Let’s check back in tomorrow to see how things are going.”


Learn More Lower School    Equity, Justice, & Belonging at SSFS

Stay tuned for more community spotlights throughout the year!